Positive tracks...

Well - after a slew of reviews from the two of you who actually read my blog, I am amazed to discover that people agree with me about the whole bathroom privacy and anonymity issues! This shocking development further emboldens me to continue waxing lyrical about all manner of salubrious happenings and turn this blog truly into an allegory of monumental proportions! (how many times did I refer to a thesaurus for that last line?)

Let me pull us away from contemplations of a scatological nature and steer us instead towards an incomplete and wholly biased consideration of bluetooth earpieces. A more asinine invention I have yet to experience (with the possible exception of the lap-pillow) - who in their right minds wants to wander around looking like they are talking to themselves? How do I know if you're talking to me or on your phone?

Then there are those who insist on wearing them even when they're not using them! I was out for dinner with my wife last week and bore witness to a bridal shower where the bride and several of her (presumable) bridesmaids were wearing the things! Is it that important that you be ready to answer a call before it has reached the end of the first ring?! Can the person calling you not wait the extra two seconds for you to pull your phone from your pocket / handbag? I'm sorry, but the 'bling' value of these chunky, flashing, distracting hunks of plastic crap is right down there with the chromed spinners on daddy's new SUV.

Rant over - bring on the morphing kitties:

I'm told it gets easier...

On my second coffee already and it's not even 9... I foresee a future of many many bathroom breaks - should help break up the day at least. Always interesting in the men's room - most people don't even seem to think about it, but you can tell a lot about a person by their bathroom habits... For instance, what does it say about a guy when he's using a urinal and grunting every two to three seconds? Who spends time actually washing their hands, and who just rinses? Does anyone in the stall actually make noise while someone else is in the room? (I for one do not - something obscene about others listening to your bowel movements... maybe if I was French)

Bathroom visits are an almost clandestine event - you don't want anyone to see you go in, hear you while you're there, or leave behind any evidence that you've been there. The whole ninjitsu training system may well have been developed by embarrassed Japanese warlords in their paper latrines.

Then there are the obnoxious few who apparently don't feel any need to be quiet or private about this mid-day ritual - talking to others in the room, letting loose with painful sounding grunts and groans, or making phone calls. Who the hell wants to get a call from someone on the toilet?! Can't you wait? Is it really that important? Then they're not only embarrassing anyone else who comes in the room, but they're making the people on the other end of the line uncomfortable too:

Obnoxious one: So do you want to go out this Friday?
Victim: I'd love to...
...flush...
Victim: Where the hell are you?
Obnoxious one: erm.... at church?

WTF?!