Two men are in a public restroom...

There is a joke that goes something like this:

Two enlisted guys are in a public restroom, one is Army the other Navy. When they have finished at the urinals, the Army guy goes to wash his hands while the Navy guy heads for the door. The Army guy says, "In the Army they teach us to wash our hands after pissing" to which the Navy guy responds, "In the Navy they teach us not to piss on our hands".

At the risk of turning this into a blog about bathrooms, why do people not wash their hands after visiting the porcelain throne? Whether there for #1 or #2, billions of bacteria are transfered to your hands each time you visit the restroom - bacteria that you're passing on to friends and colleagues. Experiences they may not be willing to share with you will be shared regardless with no concern for people or property.

I rant on this topic after watching a fellow employee use the bathroom and leave with nary so much as a glance at the wash facilities. I know the individual as a passing acquaintance, but am dreading being officially introduced to the man... what happens if he puts out his hand? Should I avoid shaking it while desperately trying to keep my lunch from making a repeat performance? Should I shake then immediately excuse myself to wash my hands? Tough call... What would you do?

I'm told it gets easier...

On my second coffee already and it's not even 9... I foresee a future of many many bathroom breaks - should help break up the day at least. Always interesting in the men's room - most people don't even seem to think about it, but you can tell a lot about a person by their bathroom habits... For instance, what does it say about a guy when he's using a urinal and grunting every two to three seconds? Who spends time actually washing their hands, and who just rinses? Does anyone in the stall actually make noise while someone else is in the room? (I for one do not - something obscene about others listening to your bowel movements... maybe if I was French)

Bathroom visits are an almost clandestine event - you don't want anyone to see you go in, hear you while you're there, or leave behind any evidence that you've been there. The whole ninjitsu training system may well have been developed by embarrassed Japanese warlords in their paper latrines.

Then there are the obnoxious few who apparently don't feel any need to be quiet or private about this mid-day ritual - talking to others in the room, letting loose with painful sounding grunts and groans, or making phone calls. Who the hell wants to get a call from someone on the toilet?! Can't you wait? Is it really that important? Then they're not only embarrassing anyone else who comes in the room, but they're making the people on the other end of the line uncomfortable too:

Obnoxious one: So do you want to go out this Friday?
Victim: I'd love to...
...flush...
Victim: Where the hell are you?
Obnoxious one: erm.... at church?

WTF?!