Coffee, coffee, coffee

I love coffee - not just like - true, deep, sweaty, slightly disturbing love. I, along with many similarly addicted people around the world, do not do well without atleast 3 or 4 cups of coffee each and every day. I start the morning with a giant tub of the stuff that I usually finish before I reach the interstate - a good thing for all other motorists I'm sure.

I sometimes wonder where we would be without coffee - people being people, you know there would be another source of caffeine that everyone would be addicted to. The only one springing to mind being tea. Tea is not a beverage for the impatient. A good brew takes at least 2 minutes - way too long for your average addict - while coffee can be done in seconds (espresso even faster!). Would that make the world a calmer place, or would we simply leverage all of our technological advancements into brewing tea quicker? Would an espresso machine work well with tea leaves?

I've always wanted to try Russian tea - hot from a samovar - concentrated, strong, enough caffeine to put hair on your eyeballs. But, I'll never give up my coffee addiction. Coffee seems to enhance ADD - I like pie! Look! A bike! Let's fly kites! (fun!) There is serious argument for coffee being the most addictive substance on earth - it doesn't hurt you, gives you a buzz, makes you 9,000% more productive and is served on pretty much every street corner thanks to delightful capitalist enterprise from small mid-western towns!

I can type so fast, I can't see my fingers - but only after my 5th coffee (after the 9th I start moving backwards in time).

Coffee video:

I'm told it gets easier...

On my second coffee already and it's not even 9... I foresee a future of many many bathroom breaks - should help break up the day at least. Always interesting in the men's room - most people don't even seem to think about it, but you can tell a lot about a person by their bathroom habits... For instance, what does it say about a guy when he's using a urinal and grunting every two to three seconds? Who spends time actually washing their hands, and who just rinses? Does anyone in the stall actually make noise while someone else is in the room? (I for one do not - something obscene about others listening to your bowel movements... maybe if I was French)

Bathroom visits are an almost clandestine event - you don't want anyone to see you go in, hear you while you're there, or leave behind any evidence that you've been there. The whole ninjitsu training system may well have been developed by embarrassed Japanese warlords in their paper latrines.

Then there are the obnoxious few who apparently don't feel any need to be quiet or private about this mid-day ritual - talking to others in the room, letting loose with painful sounding grunts and groans, or making phone calls. Who the hell wants to get a call from someone on the toilet?! Can't you wait? Is it really that important? Then they're not only embarrassing anyone else who comes in the room, but they're making the people on the other end of the line uncomfortable too:

Obnoxious one: So do you want to go out this Friday?
Victim: I'd love to...
...flush...
Victim: Where the hell are you?
Obnoxious one: erm.... at church?

WTF?!